“From Slavery to Son-Ship”

Joe McClane

The Inheritance

St Luke 15:1: And he said, “There was a man who had two sons; 12: and the younger of them said to his father, `Father, give me the share of property that falls to me.’ And he divided his living between them.

I too took my inheritance from my Father in an untimely fashion. It was 1980 and my Father, who was serving in the Army, had just been stationed at Fort Sam Houston, in San Antonio.  I was six years old, and I began to recognize the very peculiar, and confusing behavior of my Father towards my mother.  At the time I didn’t understand what he was doing, but I knew that the way he was treating her was just not right.  What I didn’t know was my Father was addicted to pornography, and sexual promiscuity, and he imposed this world-view upon my mother, treating her like an object of use instead of a person.  Needless to say, this kind of abuse led to a divorce leaving my sister and I hurt, confused, and bewildered.  All we wanted was our parents together under the same roof, even if they were always fighting, and my Father was always complaining that my mother didn’t “meet his needs”, it was far better than the alternative, divorce.  I recall the pain & loss of my Father’s constant presence in my life, and when I did see him I recall the further pain of witnessing his “new” found relationships. “Who were all these women?” I thought. “Why are you so familiar with them?” I wondered. “They are NOT my mother!” I raged.  Then there was all the sexual paraphernalia I found around my Father, including that classic resource “The Joy of Sex” with all its detailed, illustrations, that I so often perused at 7, 8, and 9 years old.  It was by this time that I had my own “stash” of porn to draw upon.  I will never forget when, as a student at Stahl Elementary, just down the road from Madison High School, that a friend and I were caught hoarding a “Hustler” magazine. My mother busted her butt to provide for my sister and I.  Not necessarily the proudest day in her life. Although she told me it was wrong, I never heard why it was wrong. Sure it felt dirty, but dirty felt so good! Why is it wrong? I even remember sitting in Sunday School, at MacArthur Park Church of Christ, and hearing them say that “pre-marital” sex was wrong; really, I thought… why? “Well, it’s in the bible” they would say,  ”it’s the bible that says its wrong”.  Ok… why? Even if they tried to answer the question, and I have no doubt that they did, it surely didn’t take.

It was at this time that my mother’s third Husband, Wes, entered our lives.  Wes was a hard working man but, had some real struggles with cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, and oh yes… porn.  By ten years old I had found his stash of VHS tapes and began watching them almost daily.  Masturbation had taken root and I was not seeking “our daily bread” rather, I was after “my daily indulgence”.  My entire sexual formation was based on my Father’s, and stepfather’s, lifestyle with a steady stream of pornography.  All I ever knew about sexuality, love, romance, the value of women and relationships, was based on what I was watching on the TV and magazines.  I absolutely thought this is what “making love” was all about, and what women were “good” for.  This was the inheritance I took from my Father at so young an age.

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